A while back I wrote a vampire screenplay along with my friends Josh and Ashton. Long, long story. It is pretty ridiculous. I might have to post some highlights on here. But that's another story. Since I did that, almost every idea we had in the thing was ripped off by all the vampire movies that come out these days. Just the other day my cats and I were watching a new one, "Thirst", from Korea, and it became official: there is nothing original left in our screenplay. In ours the two main vampires get in an argument about whether or not it is moral for vampires to kill people. Should vampires follow human rules, or just kill without remorse like a fox killing a chicken? The only thing our script, "Blood & Guts", has going for it is that it's funny. But never mind.
Thirst
Leonard
I have been a long admirer of the bizarre films of Chan-wook Park. But I must confess that I have no idea what this movie was really about. I was following it for a while and then it just got totally weird, but I was strangely aroused, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Loki
Just don't fight it, man. Blood, lust, suicidal vampires, awkward foot fetishes. What in Hell is there not to like about this movie? No. Scratch that. What is there not to Love about it? It's my new second favorite movie of all time. Right behind Deliverance.
Leonard
That is deeply disturbing. You should probably seek counseling, or at least heavy medication. But I approve.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
GMW #6: Spinal Tap: and some revions to the format
I have decided that this geeky theme is not quite satisfactory. So this series will now become Leonard and Loki At The Movies. That's right. I will now let my cats review a movie of the week. After all, they sit around all day doing nothing but sleeping and watching movies, the bums. So who better for the job. This weeks selection is This Is Spinal Tap.
The classic rock mockumentary that is so bad that it must be real. This music video comes from the special features. And yes, it is offensive.
Loki
A masterpiece. Never have so many tongues been stretched to such an awesome magnitude. The part about the amplifiers going up to 11 is some of the best dialogue in the history of the cinema. The songs are all tour-de-force performances with the kind of depth and weird eroticism that any true fan of rock could ever hope for. I see nothing funny at all about this movie, but it made me cry a lot.
Leonard
This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life. It celebrates everything that is wrong with our modern pop culture. I hate it. And anybody who likes it should be immediately neutered.
Loki
You are neutered yourself.
Leonard
Let it not be said that I do not stand behind my convictions.
The classic rock mockumentary that is so bad that it must be real. This music video comes from the special features. And yes, it is offensive.
Loki
A masterpiece. Never have so many tongues been stretched to such an awesome magnitude. The part about the amplifiers going up to 11 is some of the best dialogue in the history of the cinema. The songs are all tour-de-force performances with the kind of depth and weird eroticism that any true fan of rock could ever hope for. I see nothing funny at all about this movie, but it made me cry a lot.
Leonard
This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life. It celebrates everything that is wrong with our modern pop culture. I hate it. And anybody who likes it should be immediately neutered.
Loki
You are neutered yourself.
Leonard
Let it not be said that I do not stand behind my convictions.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The January Blahs
Ok, so it's a new year already. So why do I feel so old? I look out my window and see nothing but grey. And then, to make matters worse, KSL has been taunting me on Twitter. It all started with an early morning tweet that said:
"January is generally our snowiest month, but only a half inch at the airport, and it doesn't look like we'll see any more snow any time soon"
Normally that would be good news to me. But it was worded in a decidedly bitter way. I'm pretty sure that was the most negative tweet in the history of the world. Seriously, if they don't got anything good to say they could at least refrain from bringing me down with their depressing outlook. It should have said:
"January is generally our snowiest month, boo, but guess what? You're off the hook. Everything Al Gore promised is finally coming true. Come on party people. Let's put our hands in the air and wave them like we just don't care!"
That would have made me smile on the inside. But everyone is in a sour mood lately. Everyone wants to tell me about all their horrible lives. I'm a good listener, I'm told. That's not so great when no one has anything good to say. I need some optimism. Even my cats have been acting depressed. I woke up the other morning and Loki was sitting listlessly in the window, staring out at the grey horizon. I was like, "Good morning!" And he was like, "Meowwww....". And then I was like, "Don't meow at me in that tone of voice, Mister!" And then I started to cry and I had to leave.
Things are hairy lately. This recession is destroying my will to live. Instead of working my little butt off from Halloween until Christmas and coming out of it with loads of cash in the bank, I worked my butt off twice as hard for about three weeks before Christmas just to stay afloat through the holidays. So now it's all said and done, and I need a second job to save me when my UPS hours dwindle down to the mandatory 17.5/week.
I totally forgot that finding jobs totally sucks. Can I just rant about that a little bit. You have to pimp yourself all over town to the lowest bidder and hope that you can find a job where all the other applicants were not more awesome than yourself.
I applied for an actual photography job today. (A novel concept, I know, but desperate times calls for desperate measures.) I have a decent resume in some ways. But I hate writing cover letters. I always end up feeling all dirty afterward. It's actually recommended by all the experts to make yourself into an arrogant d-bag for the express purpose of convincing your prospective employers that they have to hire you or you might belittle them to your other awesome friends. It can get pretty ridiculous:
"I am so awesome. None of my past employers would dare deny it. I know everything there is to know about everything worth knowing about. I will make millions of dollars for you just by walking in the door. I eat grapenuts for breakfast. They are pretty nasty, but I need the fiber because I spend every spare minute in my day rescuing kittens from burning buildings. Just for the fun of it."
Ok, so I didn't put that in my cover letter. (In case you were wondering.) But I think you know what I mean. I have spent the better part of the last two weeks searching and applying for jobs of all sorts. And when I haven't been doing that I have been working on my new website which will soon be appearing online. It's about time I guess.
So, in short, I am ready to get something done. How's that working out for me, you ask? I'll let you know in February.
-Mahalo
"January is generally our snowiest month, but only a half inch at the airport, and it doesn't look like we'll see any more snow any time soon"
Normally that would be good news to me. But it was worded in a decidedly bitter way. I'm pretty sure that was the most negative tweet in the history of the world. Seriously, if they don't got anything good to say they could at least refrain from bringing me down with their depressing outlook. It should have said:
"January is generally our snowiest month, boo, but guess what? You're off the hook. Everything Al Gore promised is finally coming true. Come on party people. Let's put our hands in the air and wave them like we just don't care!"
That would have made me smile on the inside. But everyone is in a sour mood lately. Everyone wants to tell me about all their horrible lives. I'm a good listener, I'm told. That's not so great when no one has anything good to say. I need some optimism. Even my cats have been acting depressed. I woke up the other morning and Loki was sitting listlessly in the window, staring out at the grey horizon. I was like, "Good morning!" And he was like, "Meowwww....". And then I was like, "Don't meow at me in that tone of voice, Mister!" And then I started to cry and I had to leave.
Things are hairy lately. This recession is destroying my will to live. Instead of working my little butt off from Halloween until Christmas and coming out of it with loads of cash in the bank, I worked my butt off twice as hard for about three weeks before Christmas just to stay afloat through the holidays. So now it's all said and done, and I need a second job to save me when my UPS hours dwindle down to the mandatory 17.5/week.
I totally forgot that finding jobs totally sucks. Can I just rant about that a little bit. You have to pimp yourself all over town to the lowest bidder and hope that you can find a job where all the other applicants were not more awesome than yourself.
I applied for an actual photography job today. (A novel concept, I know, but desperate times calls for desperate measures.) I have a decent resume in some ways. But I hate writing cover letters. I always end up feeling all dirty afterward. It's actually recommended by all the experts to make yourself into an arrogant d-bag for the express purpose of convincing your prospective employers that they have to hire you or you might belittle them to your other awesome friends. It can get pretty ridiculous:
"I am so awesome. None of my past employers would dare deny it. I know everything there is to know about everything worth knowing about. I will make millions of dollars for you just by walking in the door. I eat grapenuts for breakfast. They are pretty nasty, but I need the fiber because I spend every spare minute in my day rescuing kittens from burning buildings. Just for the fun of it."
Ok, so I didn't put that in my cover letter. (In case you were wondering.) But I think you know what I mean. I have spent the better part of the last two weeks searching and applying for jobs of all sorts. And when I haven't been doing that I have been working on my new website which will soon be appearing online. It's about time I guess.
So, in short, I am ready to get something done. How's that working out for me, you ask? I'll let you know in February.
-Mahalo
Sunday, January 10, 2010
GMW #5: American Astronaut
There is nothing I can say about this one that justifies it's posting here. But I'm just gonna do it, and let this weirdness speak completely for itself.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Christmas: The Non Presents Blog
Alright, so I figured I would write a blog about how great christmas really was besides the awesome presents. It just takes me more time to write blogs about the good stuff, so I have procrastinated, and now it's past the New Year, so it will take me a couple weeks to write a blog about that. I'm always behind in these things. My blog is all out dated. I don't know where the other bloggers find the time. But that's just how I roll. Let's light this candle.
On Christmas Eve Rachel and I ventured down to Orem to spend the night with her family. This is a tradition they have always had. So we arrived and ate a giant feast consisting entirely of appetizers. (You can check out Rachel's blog for pictures). There were these amazing smoked weiners, as they call them, which I devoured in mass quantity. Much concern was expressed for my stomach, but I assured everyone that my stomach can handle almost anything. There was also a lot of crackers, and seven layer dip, and cheese sticks, and caffeinated beverages. There was even some amazing looking cookies, but I never made it that far. I ate myself into a small food coma as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was playing in the background somewhere. Pure, yuletide bliss.
Then we observed another long-standing christmas tradition of their family where everyone says something nice about someone else in the family. Can I just say that Rachel's step-dad Ron, and her siblings Alyssa, Jonathan and Matthew, are all the most kind-hearted, and sincere people around even on a normal day, so when they go around and try to think of something nice to say about each other it is super sincere and almost guaranteed to make you cry a little.
Some people we know, since Christmas, have pulled me aside and asked me how they all were for Christmas? I always say that they were all well. I'm sure there was moments that they were all having a hard time, but everyone in that family puts so much thought into making sure that everyone else is having a good time that it's impossible in that house for anyone to feel sad for very long. Rachel always tells me that they are only so close because they are so young, but I can assure you that when my family was that age, it was not pretty. There were a lot of knives and frying pans flying through the air at any given moment. Not to mention the hair pulling, etc. So I hope they do all know how special they are.
The next tradition of the evening was everyone receiving a new pair of pajamas to sleep in. I have not actually owned a pair of pajamas in years, but I got some too. No more grungy sweats for me. I got some PJs.
Eventually we all had to go to bed so that Santa Claus could sneak in. I slept like a rock, and was jolted awake as Rachel tripped into my room (Jonathan's room that was given up for me, actually), and said "Merry Christmas!" It was 5:54 AM. We opened a lot of presents, and by 7 everyone had separated to do their own thing. Matthew and Jonathan were hooking up their new X-Box. Ron was asleep somewhere. Rachel was taking a nap on the couch. Wrapping paper was strewn all over the place.
By 10:00 we arrived at my parents house in West Jordan. Since my family is older, and mostly scattered all over the place, the only solid tradition is that everyone comes over there for breakfast and to open presents. It's a little bit chaotic, and the children opening presents is the main event. Mostly it's just a chill breakfast, and a rare occasion of all of us being together at the same time. It was good times. If the description is vague it's because I don't remember this part all too well. The early wake up was starting to catch up with me.
Then we hauled ourselves back over to the Cottonwood Heights to open presents with Rachel's dad #1. The third opening of presents that then took place was a lot sillier. There was a lot of laughing and joking going around, everyone giving each other a hard time and loving it. It's interesting how every different christmas thing you go to has a different sort of tone based on who is involved. They are all super fun though. Even though it takes a lot of driving with very little sleep, I could get used to all this good times. There is something exhilerating about trashing one house with wrapping paper and bows and then simply driving to the other side of town to another house and doing it all over again.
And then I think we took a little nap, or maybe I just lost some time. But after a while we drove back to West Jordan again to have dinner at my parents. Their christmas dinner in recent years consists of sandwiches made with cold cuts and a veggie tray. And my mom's amazing cranbury salad. And some santa clause sugar cookies. It's the perfect thing, really. We used to do the whole giant dinner with a ham and stuff, but I like the simple dinner. Who wants to cook all that stuff on Christmas day? I know I wouldn't. It's much more relaxing to just eat sandwiches and talk.
After dinner Me, Rachel, Trent and Amelia went to see the movie Nine. I didn't get it. But no Christmas day is complete without going to the movies. And that's about it.
So, all in all, it was a great Christmas. It was maybe a little bit over-complicated trying to see everyone, and I am sure we might simplify in the future, but I am glad that we were able to have a good time with everyone and no one had to feel left out or neglected. I love all my family, and Rachel's too, so I thank them all for making this Christmas everything that a Christmas should be.
On Christmas Eve Rachel and I ventured down to Orem to spend the night with her family. This is a tradition they have always had. So we arrived and ate a giant feast consisting entirely of appetizers. (You can check out Rachel's blog for pictures). There were these amazing smoked weiners, as they call them, which I devoured in mass quantity. Much concern was expressed for my stomach, but I assured everyone that my stomach can handle almost anything. There was also a lot of crackers, and seven layer dip, and cheese sticks, and caffeinated beverages. There was even some amazing looking cookies, but I never made it that far. I ate myself into a small food coma as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was playing in the background somewhere. Pure, yuletide bliss.
Then we observed another long-standing christmas tradition of their family where everyone says something nice about someone else in the family. Can I just say that Rachel's step-dad Ron, and her siblings Alyssa, Jonathan and Matthew, are all the most kind-hearted, and sincere people around even on a normal day, so when they go around and try to think of something nice to say about each other it is super sincere and almost guaranteed to make you cry a little.
Some people we know, since Christmas, have pulled me aside and asked me how they all were for Christmas? I always say that they were all well. I'm sure there was moments that they were all having a hard time, but everyone in that family puts so much thought into making sure that everyone else is having a good time that it's impossible in that house for anyone to feel sad for very long. Rachel always tells me that they are only so close because they are so young, but I can assure you that when my family was that age, it was not pretty. There were a lot of knives and frying pans flying through the air at any given moment. Not to mention the hair pulling, etc. So I hope they do all know how special they are.
The next tradition of the evening was everyone receiving a new pair of pajamas to sleep in. I have not actually owned a pair of pajamas in years, but I got some too. No more grungy sweats for me. I got some PJs.
Eventually we all had to go to bed so that Santa Claus could sneak in. I slept like a rock, and was jolted awake as Rachel tripped into my room (Jonathan's room that was given up for me, actually), and said "Merry Christmas!" It was 5:54 AM. We opened a lot of presents, and by 7 everyone had separated to do their own thing. Matthew and Jonathan were hooking up their new X-Box. Ron was asleep somewhere. Rachel was taking a nap on the couch. Wrapping paper was strewn all over the place.
By 10:00 we arrived at my parents house in West Jordan. Since my family is older, and mostly scattered all over the place, the only solid tradition is that everyone comes over there for breakfast and to open presents. It's a little bit chaotic, and the children opening presents is the main event. Mostly it's just a chill breakfast, and a rare occasion of all of us being together at the same time. It was good times. If the description is vague it's because I don't remember this part all too well. The early wake up was starting to catch up with me.
Then we hauled ourselves back over to the Cottonwood Heights to open presents with Rachel's dad #1. The third opening of presents that then took place was a lot sillier. There was a lot of laughing and joking going around, everyone giving each other a hard time and loving it. It's interesting how every different christmas thing you go to has a different sort of tone based on who is involved. They are all super fun though. Even though it takes a lot of driving with very little sleep, I could get used to all this good times. There is something exhilerating about trashing one house with wrapping paper and bows and then simply driving to the other side of town to another house and doing it all over again.
And then I think we took a little nap, or maybe I just lost some time. But after a while we drove back to West Jordan again to have dinner at my parents. Their christmas dinner in recent years consists of sandwiches made with cold cuts and a veggie tray. And my mom's amazing cranbury salad. And some santa clause sugar cookies. It's the perfect thing, really. We used to do the whole giant dinner with a ham and stuff, but I like the simple dinner. Who wants to cook all that stuff on Christmas day? I know I wouldn't. It's much more relaxing to just eat sandwiches and talk.
After dinner Me, Rachel, Trent and Amelia went to see the movie Nine. I didn't get it. But no Christmas day is complete without going to the movies. And that's about it.
So, all in all, it was a great Christmas. It was maybe a little bit over-complicated trying to see everyone, and I am sure we might simplify in the future, but I am glad that we were able to have a good time with everyone and no one had to feel left out or neglected. I love all my family, and Rachel's too, so I thank them all for making this Christmas everything that a Christmas should be.
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