Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Bakjwi
Oh yes! We are saved at last from boredom. Park Chan-Wook, the notorious South Korean director of "Oldboy" (a film which has scarred my mind many times), and "Sympathy for Mister Veangeance", "Lady Vengeance", and "I'm a Cyborg But That's OK". has given us this film, which will soon hit theaters in select cities of America:
Please let it come here. I need to see it.
Please let it come here. I need to see it.
R.I.P. Kelvin: Bad Water Days In South Salt Lake
Kelvin, the majestic King Betta fish that Rachel gave me for Valentines Day finally quit his long battle against apathy and took his own life sometime Monday night while I was working. I came home sometime around 2 AM, and tried to feed him. Strangely I found that he was nowhere to be seen in his fishbowl. I was perplexed. Fish don't just get up and leave. So I looked around and found him on the floor on the other side of the room. I will not describe his condition. It's too painful to think about.
Since I have no cat, I had to rule the cause of death as suicide. He had been acting strange lately. Last time I fed him he would put the fish food in his mouth, but then spit it back out and just glare at me. But I never thought it would come to this.
He will be missed.
That was just the beginning of my watery woes, however. When I woke up at 10 am I found that I could not read my watch because of the water condensing inside it's, supposedly, waterproof face. I should have taken this as an omen of things to come. I went outside and checked my pool. Everything seemed to be fine. But sometime around noon I went outside to check my mail and the health inspector was there checking out my pool. I walked over to see if everything was satisfactory, and this woman informed me that it was not.
Apparently my chlorine levels were too high. My test showed me that it was fine. Her test showed me that it was high. I do wonder a lot about the objectivity of these test kits. It all depends on how your eye interprets the color of water, after all. But I know better than to argue with inspectors. She then told me that my Cyanuric Acid was also too high. Since I've never heard of Cyanuric Acid in my life I can't say I was particularly surprised to find it too high.
The woman explained to me that I should buy a Taylor test kit like hers so that I can test for Cyanuric Acid in the future. I wish someone had told me this last year, and we could have avoided this problem in the first place.
So now I have spent too much time again trying to get my pool back into compliance so that it can be reopened before all my neighbors (who don't even use the pool anyway) come over with torches and pitchforks and nail me to the wall like the terrible pool boy I am. Why did I ever agree to this nonsense?
Since I have no cat, I had to rule the cause of death as suicide. He had been acting strange lately. Last time I fed him he would put the fish food in his mouth, but then spit it back out and just glare at me. But I never thought it would come to this.
He will be missed.
That was just the beginning of my watery woes, however. When I woke up at 10 am I found that I could not read my watch because of the water condensing inside it's, supposedly, waterproof face. I should have taken this as an omen of things to come. I went outside and checked my pool. Everything seemed to be fine. But sometime around noon I went outside to check my mail and the health inspector was there checking out my pool. I walked over to see if everything was satisfactory, and this woman informed me that it was not.
Apparently my chlorine levels were too high. My test showed me that it was fine. Her test showed me that it was high. I do wonder a lot about the objectivity of these test kits. It all depends on how your eye interprets the color of water, after all. But I know better than to argue with inspectors. She then told me that my Cyanuric Acid was also too high. Since I've never heard of Cyanuric Acid in my life I can't say I was particularly surprised to find it too high.
The woman explained to me that I should buy a Taylor test kit like hers so that I can test for Cyanuric Acid in the future. I wish someone had told me this last year, and we could have avoided this problem in the first place.
So now I have spent too much time again trying to get my pool back into compliance so that it can be reopened before all my neighbors (who don't even use the pool anyway) come over with torches and pitchforks and nail me to the wall like the terrible pool boy I am. Why did I ever agree to this nonsense?
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Land of the Lost: and a bitter lamentation on my own lost land of movies.
"Land of the Lost is a seriously deranged movie" - Roger Ebert
It is near the middle of July and there are only four movies in this entire year so far that I can honestly say I liked enough to ever watch again:
1. UP
2. The Hangover
3. The Soloist
4. Land of the Lost
If I have been posting a lot of blogs about movies on here it is simply because I feel nostalgic lately for the time when I could watch a movie and actually enjoy it. I still remember a time when movies were more about imagination than pyrotechnics, when people went to movies to feel something more than just a headache. Back in those heady years of my youth I can even remember going to movies without brand name actors or directors (gasp!). Megan Fox's cleavage had not yet been discovered, but somehow we all got by. Those times are slipping through our fingers, like sands through the proverbial hourglass people! I'm getting pretty depressed about it actually.
I wasn't even planning on watching "Land of the Lost" because I'm not big on Will Ferrell, or remakes of old, old television shows for that matter. But then everyone started telling me about how awful it was. That always catches my attention because people will usually put up with a lot of crap before they start complaining. They always say it was "alright". Or they say something like, "It was well done, and good acting and all, but it just wasn't my thing." Or, even more to my perpleximent, they actually end up liking the filth. One fine example is the new Star Trek which everyone absolutely loves. I love it like I love watching grass grow. It's not really, truly bad, it's just awesomely mediocre and bland, much like everything else. I can't even tell most movies apart any more. So when everyone says they hated, hated, hated Land of the Lost, and proceed to spew venomous bile about how terrible it is, my ears prick up like a Doberman's ears to the sound of a tasty morsel scampering into it's territory.
Even a truly terrible movie is better than the flat, gray, boring tripe like Wolverine, Transformers, Terminator Salvation, Public Enemies, G.I. Joe, Harry Potter, blah, blah, blah. The list goes on and on and the people eat it up like it's going out of style. But then comes "Land of the Lost" and all of a sudden everyone is pissed off. A movie with the power to enrage the hypnotized masses is always promising to a geek like me.
So I headed out to the ghetto flix to check it out, and Roger Ebert was absolutely right. It was seriously deranged in the most hilarious of ways. I would call it a guilty pleasure, except that I don't actually feel guilty for it. I will not apologize for loving every stupid, low-ball, ridiculous, wonderfully absurd, surrealist, scatological minute of it. Here's some snippets from my old pal Roger at the Sun Times, who does know what he's talking about:
"The film involves a gloriously preposterous premise, set in a series of cheerfully fake landscapes.....many jokes about dinosaur manure, dinosaur urine, dinosaur intelligence, dinosaur babies, and dinosaurs' hurt feelings. Also blood-sucking insects, carnivorous trees and the soundtrack from 'A Chorus Line.'....actors make not the slightest effort to appear terrified, amazed or sometimes even mildly concerned. Some might consider that a weakness. I suspect it is more of a deliberate choice, and I say I enjoyed it."
Roger is definitely not very well backed up in his opinion. Metacritic gives it an average rating of 32 out of 100. But I will add my own thumbs up in support of this madness, even if no one else will. It's the best time you are likely to have at a theater without taking your pants off for at least the next month. These are, after all, dark times we live in.
Most of the audience had already left Land of the Lost before the halfway mark. A movie like this requires a special kind of endurance I guess. And at the end the rest of the audience walked out pissing and moaning about wasting two hours of their lives. I was still rolling on the floor in laughter. I like to believe that the humor in this film is simply so stupid that you actually have to be smart to appreciate it. Or maybe I'm just crazy. But even without the cheap, dirty humor I still thought it was a sort of surrealist masterpiece. It must have taken some huge balls for the filmmakers to dare make a movie like this when they could have just made it more awesome like Transformers, and by awesome I actually mean banal.
So, in short: I think We have way too many movies these days that look like this:
...when what we really need is more movies that look like this:
Click Here to read Roger Ebert's cheerfully optimistic take on this most excellent piece of cinema.
It is near the middle of July and there are only four movies in this entire year so far that I can honestly say I liked enough to ever watch again:
1. UP
2. The Hangover
3. The Soloist
4. Land of the Lost
If I have been posting a lot of blogs about movies on here it is simply because I feel nostalgic lately for the time when I could watch a movie and actually enjoy it. I still remember a time when movies were more about imagination than pyrotechnics, when people went to movies to feel something more than just a headache. Back in those heady years of my youth I can even remember going to movies without brand name actors or directors (gasp!). Megan Fox's cleavage had not yet been discovered, but somehow we all got by. Those times are slipping through our fingers, like sands through the proverbial hourglass people! I'm getting pretty depressed about it actually.
I wasn't even planning on watching "Land of the Lost" because I'm not big on Will Ferrell, or remakes of old, old television shows for that matter. But then everyone started telling me about how awful it was. That always catches my attention because people will usually put up with a lot of crap before they start complaining. They always say it was "alright". Or they say something like, "It was well done, and good acting and all, but it just wasn't my thing." Or, even more to my perpleximent, they actually end up liking the filth. One fine example is the new Star Trek which everyone absolutely loves. I love it like I love watching grass grow. It's not really, truly bad, it's just awesomely mediocre and bland, much like everything else. I can't even tell most movies apart any more. So when everyone says they hated, hated, hated Land of the Lost, and proceed to spew venomous bile about how terrible it is, my ears prick up like a Doberman's ears to the sound of a tasty morsel scampering into it's territory.
Even a truly terrible movie is better than the flat, gray, boring tripe like Wolverine, Transformers, Terminator Salvation, Public Enemies, G.I. Joe, Harry Potter, blah, blah, blah. The list goes on and on and the people eat it up like it's going out of style. But then comes "Land of the Lost" and all of a sudden everyone is pissed off. A movie with the power to enrage the hypnotized masses is always promising to a geek like me.
So I headed out to the ghetto flix to check it out, and Roger Ebert was absolutely right. It was seriously deranged in the most hilarious of ways. I would call it a guilty pleasure, except that I don't actually feel guilty for it. I will not apologize for loving every stupid, low-ball, ridiculous, wonderfully absurd, surrealist, scatological minute of it. Here's some snippets from my old pal Roger at the Sun Times, who does know what he's talking about:
"The film involves a gloriously preposterous premise, set in a series of cheerfully fake landscapes.....many jokes about dinosaur manure, dinosaur urine, dinosaur intelligence, dinosaur babies, and dinosaurs' hurt feelings. Also blood-sucking insects, carnivorous trees and the soundtrack from 'A Chorus Line.'....actors make not the slightest effort to appear terrified, amazed or sometimes even mildly concerned. Some might consider that a weakness. I suspect it is more of a deliberate choice, and I say I enjoyed it."
Roger is definitely not very well backed up in his opinion. Metacritic gives it an average rating of 32 out of 100. But I will add my own thumbs up in support of this madness, even if no one else will. It's the best time you are likely to have at a theater without taking your pants off for at least the next month. These are, after all, dark times we live in.
Most of the audience had already left Land of the Lost before the halfway mark. A movie like this requires a special kind of endurance I guess. And at the end the rest of the audience walked out pissing and moaning about wasting two hours of their lives. I was still rolling on the floor in laughter. I like to believe that the humor in this film is simply so stupid that you actually have to be smart to appreciate it. Or maybe I'm just crazy. But even without the cheap, dirty humor I still thought it was a sort of surrealist masterpiece. It must have taken some huge balls for the filmmakers to dare make a movie like this when they could have just made it more awesome like Transformers, and by awesome I actually mean banal.
So, in short: I think We have way too many movies these days that look like this:
...when what we really need is more movies that look like this:
Click Here to read Roger Ebert's cheerfully optimistic take on this most excellent piece of cinema.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Rachel
For well over 6 months now, I have had a girlfriend. I know, I know it's hard to believe because I have such a terrible reputation for being a tremendous bum. I have nothing to offer in defense of the many years I have wasted lying around and comitting the terrible crime of being unattached. But I will also refuse to apologize for it at this point.
Being single for the first 27 years of life puts a man in an awkward position when he does get around to getting his self a woman. After all, a normal person has the benefit of comparing their relationships to past relationships in order to understand what is going on. I, on the other hand, had no map to follow. And so it seems I have been dragging my feet and crawling along like the proverbial tortoise. But then again, I know a few hares who have failed to cross the finish line any sooner than I. So once again, even though by Utah standards I should have married that girl and popped out two or three children by now (don't think about the math too hard), I will not apologize for my slow moving ways either. I know from hard experience that sometimes you can be the slowest person in the race and still win if you just know how to turn the corners properly.
This year for the fourth of July weekend, instead of getting wasted with a bunch of dudes in the Daybreak, I ended up spending all my time with Rachel. It was definitely a better way to spend a weekend.
So on Saturday night we went to Tanner Park to watch the fireworks. We got there a couple of hours early to secure a prime spot for the viewing, and thus we had some time to just talk and catch up. Lately we have been running around all over the place trying to please everyone who wants our presence to be at all sorts of functions. It's easy to lose track of time. So it was the perfect way to get away and spend some alone time. It went so well that I ended up telling her I loved her. Actually she tricked me into saying it, that sneaky babe, but that does not change the fact that I meant it.
So there you go. It's serious now.
I do like the way that this thing has developed. Although I have not really talked much about it in this blog, it is always on my mind. I'm just a bit of a private person in these matters. Of course the bros are constantly harassing me for details, asking me personal questions of astonishing candor, and I'm like, "Whoa there, no one really needs to know everything I may or may not have done this weekend." But it's all good. Boys will be boys. And I will continue to be quiet.
It has definitely been a learning experience. Being in a relationship is much different that you always think it will be when you have always been alone. It is also better, for the most part. I can't deny that there have been some days where I thought I was losing my mind. But those days are few and far between. And Rachel has the perseverance to put up with who I am most of the time. I am grateful for that. Even though I have no problem with who I am, I have to concede that who I am is sometimes a trial for others to put up with.
Rachel has made me realize that it is possible that someone can care about me for real. She is beautiful, and smart, and fun, and all those vague things guys always say they want. But the important thing is that somehow we manage to click together. It's not always easy, but it works. When I am with her I never feel bored. I never wish I was somewhere else. She makes me feel good about myself. She pushes me just hard enough to improve in areas where I am lacking. She makes me think cheesy thoughts, and say sappy lines, and all that fuzzy stuff.
That's about all I'm willing to say about that right now. I just thought I better say something. It was about time I introduced her into my blogging world.
Being single for the first 27 years of life puts a man in an awkward position when he does get around to getting his self a woman. After all, a normal person has the benefit of comparing their relationships to past relationships in order to understand what is going on. I, on the other hand, had no map to follow. And so it seems I have been dragging my feet and crawling along like the proverbial tortoise. But then again, I know a few hares who have failed to cross the finish line any sooner than I. So once again, even though by Utah standards I should have married that girl and popped out two or three children by now (don't think about the math too hard), I will not apologize for my slow moving ways either. I know from hard experience that sometimes you can be the slowest person in the race and still win if you just know how to turn the corners properly.
This year for the fourth of July weekend, instead of getting wasted with a bunch of dudes in the Daybreak, I ended up spending all my time with Rachel. It was definitely a better way to spend a weekend.
So on Saturday night we went to Tanner Park to watch the fireworks. We got there a couple of hours early to secure a prime spot for the viewing, and thus we had some time to just talk and catch up. Lately we have been running around all over the place trying to please everyone who wants our presence to be at all sorts of functions. It's easy to lose track of time. So it was the perfect way to get away and spend some alone time. It went so well that I ended up telling her I loved her. Actually she tricked me into saying it, that sneaky babe, but that does not change the fact that I meant it.
So there you go. It's serious now.
I do like the way that this thing has developed. Although I have not really talked much about it in this blog, it is always on my mind. I'm just a bit of a private person in these matters. Of course the bros are constantly harassing me for details, asking me personal questions of astonishing candor, and I'm like, "Whoa there, no one really needs to know everything I may or may not have done this weekend." But it's all good. Boys will be boys. And I will continue to be quiet.
It has definitely been a learning experience. Being in a relationship is much different that you always think it will be when you have always been alone. It is also better, for the most part. I can't deny that there have been some days where I thought I was losing my mind. But those days are few and far between. And Rachel has the perseverance to put up with who I am most of the time. I am grateful for that. Even though I have no problem with who I am, I have to concede that who I am is sometimes a trial for others to put up with.
Rachel has made me realize that it is possible that someone can care about me for real. She is beautiful, and smart, and fun, and all those vague things guys always say they want. But the important thing is that somehow we manage to click together. It's not always easy, but it works. When I am with her I never feel bored. I never wish I was somewhere else. She makes me feel good about myself. She pushes me just hard enough to improve in areas where I am lacking. She makes me think cheesy thoughts, and say sappy lines, and all that fuzzy stuff.
That's about all I'm willing to say about that right now. I just thought I better say something. It was about time I introduced her into my blogging world.
Friday, July 3, 2009
The Bad
It aint easy being bad in a world where everyone is a total a**hole. We're talking about a world in which Clint Eastwood is the very flower of goodness, relatively speaking. So I've always had a special affinity for those guys who strive day and night to rise to the special level of evil reserved for spaghetti western villains. These guys have to come up with ever more shocking ways to attract the attention of the jaded law enforcement. They have to constantly compete with each other to make sure the price on their heads don't fall below the regional average. They have to constantly watch their back so their evil henchmen don't get ambitious and overthrow them to take over the gang. And all this while never getting a chance to bathe. It is definitely a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
This dude here is definitely the most evil one ever. He is known simply as The Bad (of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly). Somehow the legendary Lee Van Cleef managed to play him with such joyful contempt that he has absolutely no saving graces whatsoever. He does not even hesitate to kill young children who cross his path. He is the bar toward which all would-be villains should strive. I definitely want to be him when I grow up:
But I'm pretty sure I will never be that cool so I would settle for being Indio from For a Few Dollars More. He is sort of a tragic villain, misunderstood, guilty of raping some poor girl until she killed herself. And yet somehow you end up feeling a little sorry for him anyway. Although not sorry enough to mourn his death when Lee Van Cleef (this time playing the gloriously vindictive Colonel Douglas Mortimer), blows him away. That poor bastard, Indio, got exactly what he deserves, but we will miss him:
And my third favorite has to be Danny Huston as the eldest of the evil clan of brothers in The Proposition: Arthur Burns. He is capable of acts so savage that you would hesitate to call him a human being, and yet he still manages to posess a heart of gold under it all. There is a point in the film where they are discussing misanthropes, and it is one of my favorite pieces of creepily heartwarming dialogue ever:
Samuel Stote: What's a Misanthrope Arthur?
Two Bob: Some bugger who fuckin' hates every othe bugger.
Samuel Stote: Hey, I didn't ask you, you black bastard!
Arthur Burns: He's right, Samuel. A misanthrope is one who hates humanity.
Samuel Stote: Is that what we are, misanthropes?
Arthur Burns: Good Lord, no. We're a family.
And I can't let this go, of course, without giving an honorable mention to Tuco Benedito Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, also known as The Rat. He isn't really a villain. He's more of a dirty sidekick to Clint Eastwood. Eli Wallach really puts the Ugly in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. He really wants to be bad, but he's just too damn stupid to pull it off, and when it comes down to it he seems to have a hard time pulling the trigger on people that don't have it coming to them. He might be the dirtiest of them all, but he's just so damn cute.
This dude here is definitely the most evil one ever. He is known simply as The Bad (of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly). Somehow the legendary Lee Van Cleef managed to play him with such joyful contempt that he has absolutely no saving graces whatsoever. He does not even hesitate to kill young children who cross his path. He is the bar toward which all would-be villains should strive. I definitely want to be him when I grow up:
But I'm pretty sure I will never be that cool so I would settle for being Indio from For a Few Dollars More. He is sort of a tragic villain, misunderstood, guilty of raping some poor girl until she killed herself. And yet somehow you end up feeling a little sorry for him anyway. Although not sorry enough to mourn his death when Lee Van Cleef (this time playing the gloriously vindictive Colonel Douglas Mortimer), blows him away. That poor bastard, Indio, got exactly what he deserves, but we will miss him:
And my third favorite has to be Danny Huston as the eldest of the evil clan of brothers in The Proposition: Arthur Burns. He is capable of acts so savage that you would hesitate to call him a human being, and yet he still manages to posess a heart of gold under it all. There is a point in the film where they are discussing misanthropes, and it is one of my favorite pieces of creepily heartwarming dialogue ever:
Samuel Stote: What's a Misanthrope Arthur?
Two Bob: Some bugger who fuckin' hates every othe bugger.
Samuel Stote: Hey, I didn't ask you, you black bastard!
Arthur Burns: He's right, Samuel. A misanthrope is one who hates humanity.
Samuel Stote: Is that what we are, misanthropes?
Arthur Burns: Good Lord, no. We're a family.
And I can't let this go, of course, without giving an honorable mention to Tuco Benedito Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, also known as The Rat. He isn't really a villain. He's more of a dirty sidekick to Clint Eastwood. Eli Wallach really puts the Ugly in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. He really wants to be bad, but he's just too damn stupid to pull it off, and when it comes down to it he seems to have a hard time pulling the trigger on people that don't have it coming to them. He might be the dirtiest of them all, but he's just so damn cute.
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