The Wedding Daze Part 5: The Reception, The Vacuum Cleaner Mystery, and Time Travel Theories.

I can't say I remember my wedding reception all too well. I have oft times observed that the reception exists for everyone but the bride and groom, who really just want to get it over with so they can, um, sleep. Right? But it is very important to have this giant party where everyone can come and shake your hand, and ask you how it feels to be married, and you can smile and exchange awkward small talk with all your distant relatives and friends. It really is a good time. But for me it was all just a big blur. I never got a very good chance to take it all in, and I don't even remember who all I talked to.

I do remember that I danced with my wife, which was very nice. I confess, I never dance normally, so I thought that might be awkward. But I think I did ok. I wasn't really caring what everyone else thought at the time. I was just having a good dance with Rachel. I liked it. Then I had a dance with my Mom, which was also good. And then I went back into the blur of hand-shaking until I had to come back and do a money dance. It started out awkwardly, and I was worried that no one was going to dance with me, but Rachel's sweet Grandmother from South Carolina came to my rescue. Then I remember dancing with Denice, and Alyssa, and Teri, and Michael, and I'm forgetting some people, I know it, and then I filled in the awkward spaces by dancing with a lot of little girls. They loved it the most.

All in all, I got maybe $25 in the money dance. Rachel got somewhere close to $300. It's because she's a lot hotter, and a much better dancer than I am.

When that was all done there was a lot of crazy dancing, of which I took very little part. I didn't want to ruin the cool vibe with my horrible dance moves, and I was having a good time talking to everyone, even though the attempt to talk to everyone was giving me a lot of anxiety. I'm not used to being anywhere near the center of attention.

Eventually it got to that point where we were just soooo tired. So then we went upstairs to our suite and, um, slept.

The next day we sorted through all the cards, and gifts, and stuff and managed to match every gift up to a card, or at least a name, except for the vacuum cleaner. According to eye-witness accounts, the vacuum was left by a man who walked in and left it at the beginning of the reception. Logic has failed to help us deduce who this gift came from in order to send them a thank you card for it. It was a very nice gift. I use it often. Reggie is terrified of it. The only description we have of the vacuum gifter is that he was 'a man'. And that he did not seem to be familiar as anyone's family. It all seems so mysterious that it has stuck in my mind ever since. But no answers have been forthcoming.

We received many, many more gifts, and cards. It was all very generous. I feel almost guilty about how much we received. It was crazy. There are some I haven't even been able to open and use yet. There just isn't enough time to put all that goodness to good use. But I will.

Just last week I was reflecting back on the reception, and saying to someone that if I ever get the chance to time travel I will go back to my reception as a guest, so that I can enjoy myself. I'll probably get really wasted on the excellent, champagne that was served, of which I only tasted a little myself. After all, I didn't want to get myself into a state where I couldn't enjoy a good sleep later. So my time travelling self will probably put on a cheesy mustache and party like I'm a guest at my own wedding reception. It would be awesome.

Robert and I are often pondering the mysteries of time travel. We often have way too much time on our hands at UPS. So I was discussing this with him, and we came to the conclusion that now that I have thought of that idea, we could prove that I will one day time travel, if we could find that I was at the wedding reception. Of course it would be highly unethical of my future self to do anything so brazen as to appear in any of the photographs. Therefore I would have to be discreet. Of course, my cheesy mustache disguise would be the perfect way to blend in at my wedding, as you surely can imagine if you were there. And being such an ordinary looking guy, and so easily made invisible when I want to be, it would be no problem to blend in. Especially since if anyone saw an old guy who looked like me they would just think I was a distant uncle and take no notice whatsoever.

But, knowing myself as I do, I know I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to leave some clue behind to taunt myself for years to come. But it would require great subtlety. I couldn't risk altering the future by letting myself know that I would one day travel back in time. So what would I do? A card would be way too obvious. My bad hand-writing is way too distinctive. I would probably leave some random, but not too obvious gift from my registry that would stick out in my overly-imaginative mind and...

Kazart! That's it. I understand now. The vacuum cleaner makes perfect sense. It's just the sort of thing I would leave for myself because I always needed one, but never had one before, and it was only a matter of time before my brain came to this twisted logic and realized that it was a gift from the future, but could never be proved as such, and it would drive me insane. Aha! It makes perfect sense. If you don't believe me, just go with it. It's the best explanation I have. But if I'm wrong, then to the vacuum gifter, I most sincerely thank you for it.


Cheesy mustaches.

I will upload more pics of the reception later.